the New Pantagruel

The Eighth Capital Sin

by Eric Scheske

’m thinking the list of seven capital sins—Pride, Envy, Avarice, Anger, Sloth, Gluttony, Lust—ought to be expanded to eight.

This may be audacious of me, and I’m not sure what type of campaign I’d need in order to obtain official recognition for an eighth sin, but I don’t think I’m out of line. After all, the list is due for a change (it has scarcely been revised since the late sixth century, when St. Gregory the Great wrote his Morals on the Book of Job), and an expansion would get the list back to its original dimensions; the first list, devised by a desert monk named Evagrius in the fourth century, consisted of eight.

I’m proposing to add Noise, or Noisiness, to the list.

The Three Stages of Noise

I’m not talking about the tendency to make noise, though that tendency is part of Noisiness, just as a temper tantrum is often part of Anger. I’m talking about the disposition toward Noisiness that is found in the soul.

“Suburban Landscape no. 2” (oil on canvas)
by Kay Darling

A capital sin, after all, is not an act, but rather an attitude, or disposition, that leads to other sins. Envy, for instance, is an attitude that tends to lead us to brooding over our perceived misfortunes, failing to give thanks for God’s blessings, and showing ill-will toward our wealthy neighbors. Likewise, Anger extinguishes charity (love) from the heart, thus leading to other sins such as blasphemy and cruelty, and Lust leads to masturbation and other staples of modern living.

The disposition toward Noisiness can be broken down into three levels, just as I’ve seen Gluttony broken down into eating more than we need (something all people tend to do), eating to satiation (something overweight people do), and eating far past satiation (something obese people do).

First, there’s the tendency that afflicts all of us: The tendency to fill the heart and mind with a stream of self-occupied thoughts and imaginations. Inner chatter. Often applauded by pop culture (“daydreaming,” “lost in our thoughts”), it’s rarely recognized for what it really is: A state of mental existence where we are incessantly accosted by an involuntary stream of thoughts. Wise men have repeatedly pointed out for thousands of years that these thoughts and dream are not “ours.” Unless we undertake great effort, we have little or no control over them—virtually no ability to stop them and only a little ability to direct them. Even if we initially invite or direct them, they eventually take their own course.

This tendency of inner chatter to go where it wants leads to the second stage of Noisiness: Loud inner chatter. The stream, if not checked, eventually grows into a rushing river of chatter, characterized by things like extravagant dreaming (visions of vast earthly wealth or fame), cruel or violent thoughts, and lustful imaginations.

From the second stage, Noisiness goes to the third stage, which is the stage where it becomes visible to the outside world. Just as Avarice eventually becomes noticeable in the cheater, or Anger in the temper tantrum, or Pride in the person who can’t suffer any affront without indignation, Noisiness eventually produces external noise. Examples include the person who talks constantly or loudly, the family that keeps a blaring television on at all times, teenagers who churn out loud music from car windows, a general societal tendency to be obsessed with, or oblivious to, loud objects, like lawn mowers, jet skis, motorcycles.

Noise, Pride, and the Other Capitals

I have a couple of reasons to campaign for Noise’s enrollment among the capital sins. First of all, Noise has a natural place among the capital sins. It smoothly intertwines with them, just like Envy is often found in Lust and Gluttony co-habitates with Sloth.

For instance, the inner chatter of the first stage of Noise often flows into the second stage of Noise where it produces seriously sinful thoughts. Relatively innocent and wandering thoughts tend to find themselves at the doorstep of some lusty, naked blonde who craves our sexual favors for some inexplicable reason. Or they find themselves imagining that someone has wronged us and producing visions of the revenge we’ll take.

Noise also tends to produce the type of Pride known as vainglory. The talker, for instance, is a person who wants another person to hear his inner chatter. The loud talker (one of the most annoying manifestation of Noisiness) is a person who wants anyone within earshot to hear it. The person with a loud stereo wants others to hear what he’s listening to. They’re all attempts to draw attention to oneself.

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